you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
