just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
