apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
