So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
