Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
