i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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