Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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