The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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