So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
