i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
