I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
