I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
