the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
