If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
