Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
