Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
