i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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