so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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