This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
