so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
