So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
