please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
