Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize