why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
