Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize