I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
