I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
