yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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