ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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