Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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