I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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