Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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