Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
