I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
