Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
