We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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