I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
