The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
