I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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