My room smells like vodka and shame
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
