my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
