i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
