Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
