Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
