Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
