Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
