I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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