My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
this is an emotional support booty call
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
