Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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