i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
