So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
ok first of all what the fuck
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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