Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
