careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
