So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
