Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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