Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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