So drunk its hurt
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
