Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm too high and old for this...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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