? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
