dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
