First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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