She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize