im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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