I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
