Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
