it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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