I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
