Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
