Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sober January is a disaster.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
