So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
