i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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