somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's paper in my vomit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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