Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
