dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
