i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
