I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
