Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
