You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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