It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
