O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
