just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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