omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
