why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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