Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize