hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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