what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
