I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
