Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
