she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Houston, we have a squirter
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
