I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
