I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
