508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
