I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
