Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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