I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
