Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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