Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
