We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
