.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize