my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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